Are you sapiophile? And above all, what does that really mean? Do you know how to recognize it in yourself and others? Decryption.

Lately, many people are rediscovering the French language and the joy of being able to define everything with a single word. One word to rule them all for those who have the reference. Pantophilia, Trichophilia, Sapiosexual, we no longer find ourselves there in all these multiple ways of expressing and categorizing amorous desire. For you adored public, Démotivateur has decided to return to one of the categories most subject to debate, namely: Sapiophilia. Are you?

heart and reason

Aaah love. What a wonderful feeling, isn't it? When you start throbbing just at the mention of his name, seeing him or her in the distance is enough to make your little heart race like a death metal drummer on ecstasy yes yes we know. However, if we have almost all these forms of sentimental expressions that cross our hearts and bodies at the same time, our desire and our love are obviously not fixed on the same people and not for the same reasons. And fortunately indeed! Otherwise in love as in sexuality we would be bored.

Sapiophilia and you

Some are more attracted by a face, on the other hand by hair, by a voice, by an expression. But some are more attracted not by a physical characteristic but by a mentality, a certain spirit. But then how do I know if I am or if my partner is a sapiophile? This notion that interests us so much today. Well, if in love, you don't pay attention to the physical, it may be the case...

What is sapiophilia? / Credit: Unsplash

Are you sapiophile?

And if you were sapiophile / sapiosexual? If you are so excited by intelligence that you pay no attention to the physique of others, this may be the case. But then how is this possible? How to understand a carnal desire which is not based on a physical attraction and which is not based either on a form of beauty? Focus on sapiophilia / sapiosexuality, an orientation not so elitist as it seems.

Intelligence and physical attraction

Did you know ? In August 2019, the Minister Delegate for Citizenship, Marlène Schiappa, gave an interview to the Journal du Dimanche. She explained in this long interview to be sapiophile, or sapiosexual. So she would only be attracted to intelligent people… A term that adds to all the plurality of sexual orientations, but which seems difficult to identify. Indeed, how can we define intelligence? By the general culture of a person? By IQ? This somewhat floating notion used to define the level of intelligence using a number? Would sapiophilia then be an elitist intellectual thing? History to avoid labels and received ideas, some explanations are necessary all the same.

Sapiophile: What is it?

First, a definition. According to our lifelong friend Wikipedia: Sapiophilia is a common name, whose feminine and masculine are identical. It is a neologism based on the Latin derivative “Sapio” to which is added the suffix “Phile”. Which literally means: Attraction to knowledge. Something like that. Homo sapiens sapiens does that ring a bell? Originally popularized during the 1990s, the terms “sapiosexual” and “sapiophilia” are neologisms formed with the word “sapiens”, which comes from the Latin meaning “intelligence”. »

Social networks and dating sites have also made it possible to list sapiosexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right. In 2014, the dating application OKCupid included sapiophilia in its list of sexual orientation. There are also a whole bunch of categories grouping your choice, panromanticism, pansexuality and many more.

Sapiophilia, culture and the spirit / Credit: Unsplash

Being sapiophile: culture and spirit first?

To come back to our Sapiosexuality, the term smacks of pretty words about inner beauty and a lot of talk about the fact that beauty is invisible to the eye. "The essential is invisible to the eyes" we are told in the Little Prince, and indeed sapiosexuality has made it its high point. But isn't intelligence, or what we perceive as such and which can be very different depending on this or that person, already depending on whether one happens to be a man or a woman, already gone? of our sentimental selection criteria?

A bit strange to binarize the debate between appearance and inner beauty, isn't it? Yet there are many individuals, both men and women, who think of themselves and live as she does. Like people sexually attracted to intelligent and/or gifted people. By the mind. The intellect. By conversation made to learn and to make your brain work.

Being Sapiosexual: The Critics

Critics of sapiosexuality will argue, on the other hand, that the latter serves above all to reproduce historical patterns of discrimination. Bim, it starts strong. Intelligence, they say, is too often confused with education – academic we agree – and this education systemically disadvantages racialized, neuroatypical people, women, in short, all people who do not have the privilege of being a white man having had an education legitimized by society. A bourgeois education, one might say. We would then come, through sexuality, to reproduce patterns of domination where inequalities in terms of social, cultural and symbolic capital are played. Bourdieu's reproduction has never lived up to its name so well.

Cultivation and reproduction

So if you turn on sexually with your partner by quoting Michel Foucault or Gilles Deleuze, you are unconsciously reproducing power relations that discriminate against a large part of society (which is particularly ironic considering the authors cited in this example).

Sapiophilia and intellectualism / Credit: Unsplash

Sapiosexuals and intellectualism

According to Claire Alquier, a sexologist quoted in aufeminin, “Sapiosexuality is the fact of being sexually or emotionally attracted to people who we will consider intelligent or educated. By this term, we express a sexual preference for what we identify with intelligence. It's an excitement factor. Claire Alquier further confirms that intellectualism is therefore an erotic criterion for sapiosexuals. Moreover, very often, it is just as powerful as beauty, or even more: "Generally, people who are sapiosexual will say that they do not pay attention to physical attraction, gender, social status or the age of an individual. It has little or no significance or impact. On the other hand, what counts is what the sapiosexual person will identify as intelligence in their potential partners,” she adds.

Being sapiosexual: I call it France Madame

If this person meets expectations, let's go for a crazy party of legs in the air while listening to a conference by Laurent Mucchielli or Barbara Stiegler. It also works if you're a left-winger, but replacing Lenin and Louise Michel will do just fine. Have you ever had sex in a library? It is perhaps a sign… This acute attention for intelligence, some see it with a bad eye. In an article from the New York Times, published in August 2019, in reaction to the sapiosexual coming out of Marlène Schiappa, journalist Hilary Rose did not mince her words. According to her, “it shows how pedantic the French can be”, with their “propensity to intellectualize everything. At the same time, next to the United States there is not much that does not seem intelligent. We are joking of course! A bit of humour !

Sapio = Intelligence?

For Claire Alquier, these remarks must however be measured: "I am convinced that among the people who call themselves sapiosexual, not all have the same criterion of level of intelligence in relation to their potential partners", she explains to us. by defending subjective criteria of intelligence specific to each and every one. " After all why not ? You can just as well be aroused by an object, parts of the body, scenarios…”, explains the sexologist to us before alerting: “On the other hand, what can be problematic is to expose your sapiosexuality to the risk that the other does not feel intelligent, and therefore not attractive. From the moment we avoid this, I want to say that we can have all the criteria that make us happy. »

Conversation, humor, and wit, damn it!

Intelligence and sapiophilia, the link / Credit: Unsplash

But do not worry ! No need therefore to have a bac + 10 to seduce a sapiosexual person. Far from there. Because, still according to Claire Alquier, the criteria of intelligence are not necessarily fixed: “Each person who identifies as sapiosexual has a different way of experiencing it. Sometimes it can be studies, but also way of life, choices or experiences crossed by the potential partners who will be qualified as intelligent. Intelligence, again, is subjective. Indeed, we must not think of “intelligence” as we would think of IQ. This also includes a type of social intelligence which also includes empathy, listening and even pity. In a good way, of course.

Study on sapiophilia

A study carried out in 2017 at the University of Western Australia goes in this direction. She shows that being sapiosexual does not mean that one claims to detect intelligence in others. In addition, by questioning 383 students, men and women, aged 18 to 35, the researchers concluded that people who said they were attracted above all by intelligence did not necessarily have a very high IQ. This study is very practical, isn't it? But suddenly in all this, how do we know if we are really sapiosexual or not? The answer in this section:

The 10 traits that prove you are sapiosexual.

1. Being sapiophile is when intelligence and theoretical conversations inspire and excite you.

Sapiophiles are attracted by physical and character traits, but what really excites them is what the other person hides deep inside: intelligence. For most people, this quality is one among many others that they look for in a potential partner, sapiosexuals consider it to be essential, even sometimes exclusive. There are different degrees in sapiosexuality of course.

2. Physical attraction is important, but discussions are better.

Of course, to be in a romantic relationship, you have to be attracted to the other person's physique. But, if your partner is just a pretty face, you will quickly get bored.

3. School education doesn't matter to you.

When looking for your soul mate, intelligence is your priority and you know that a school education does not necessarily mean that the person you are interested in is brilliant. Sapiophilia therefore has at least the merit of deconstructing not only the canons of physical beauty but also the notion of intelligence as such.

4. The more you get to know someone, the more you are attracted to him or her.

As a sapiophile, you indeed need time. You don't fall in love or love at first sight. But, it allows you to find the hidden diamond: this person may not be the first to catch your eye, but the more you talk to them, the more interesting and exciting they seem to you.

How do you know if you are a sapiophile? / Credit: Unsplash

5. As a sapiophile, you like debates.

If someone starts arguing with you, you will instinctively be attracted to him or her on an emotional and physical level.

6. You like to listen to others

You love when someone is able to teach you something. Because of this, you have honed your listening skills.

7. Bad grammar puts you off

Granted, a school education means nothing to you as a sapiophile, but if the person you're attracted to is illiterate, there's going to be a problem. Don't be too harsh though!

8. You put humility first

What's the point of having knowledge and having had excellent grades in school if she is not able to share her knowledge and help others improve? Elementary my dear Watson ! It is here that we see that this sexual attraction that is sapiophilia is based on knowledge, of course. But also on a form of social intelligence!

Sapiophilia and loving books / Credit: Unsplash

9. You need someone who really listens to you.

Another way to tell if you're a sapiophile is if you need someone who actually listens to you, not just someone who hears what you're saying.

10. You seek to continually learn

You like to educate yourself and discover new things. Therefore, if the person you are interested in does not share these same interests, your relationship has no future.